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21 April 2010 @ 11:07 pm

I found some of my polaroids from almost two years ago in a wardrobe that we had pushed to the far corner of our attic since we moved. Rejects most likely - photos I didn't care for at the time.  Picking out piece after piece from each drawer, i found them like old letters that had been written to a stranger. I collected some in a small pile and tried to recount each one. It seemed that I was looking at photographs
I'd never seen before. I could not remember a thing about any of them. I felt both excited and sad.

It's been about two weeks since I returned home from being on tour with Spirits and I miss it more than I thought missing everything that is familiar could be possible.  I used to be very content with familiarity and still understand it's importance even if I no longer crave it.  I often times would go back to it whenever I needed a break from change; like it was a ritual of cleansing and rejuvenation so that I might brace change again without feeling overwhelmed and listless and tired. So so tired. But tired in the sense that is torpid and spiritless.
Not having the option to return to familiarity while I was away allowed me to break through some invisible net that had always been in the way of the exit point. It would lead me back in the other direction once I'd come just close enough. I realized that change, given the right doses and with wonderful people around you experiencing it all at the same time can be one of the most relieving feelings. And once you've come back to something that is wholly familiar, seeking out that feeling on your own is what's hard to do. But I guess what's fantastically different is that I no longer feel so tired.

appleloves on April 22nd, 2010 05:31 am (UTC)
i think that's good, to not crave for similarity and familiarity but embrace change, even if not constantly. i used to hate change, and am still fearful of it somehow; until it showed me that it can bring beauty together with it.

on a sidenote, i find your photos always amazing. they never fail to take my breath away <3
glass_orthodoxy on April 22nd, 2010 04:43 pm (UTC)
Thank you for this. It's nice to know that this feeling might be something shared by others, somewhere. You seem to have found a good understanding of the balance and significance of both.
paramita on April 22nd, 2010 08:29 am (UTC)
like like like
glass_orthodoxy on April 22nd, 2010 04:45 pm (UTC)
thank you, i'm glad you like! :)
bookishtype on April 22nd, 2010 08:44 am (UTC)
what an amazing photo find... they are truly evoking.

change is a wonderful when you are with others who are experiencing it in a beautiful and happy manner. it is definitely hard to experience change yourself without the support of others - even if you are embracing it fully. but it is in that struggle we become freer than before.
glass_orthodoxy on April 22nd, 2010 04:52 pm (UTC)
I think you are so right. I imagine that once it becomes natural to seek out change without it being merely situational, wonderful new paths develop. I'm most excited about discovering new passions that I might not have known about otherwise and never feeling like I am shying away from possibilities and missing out! :]
meetmy_tommygun on April 22nd, 2010 09:58 am (UTC)
These are such soulful pictures. I am awestruck.
glass_orthodoxy on April 22nd, 2010 04:53 pm (UTC)
wow, thank you. :)
christophrawr on April 22nd, 2010 04:35 pm (UTC)
love it.
glass_orthodoxy on April 25th, 2010 04:43 pm (UTC)
:) thank you
afemaledeer on April 22nd, 2010 04:54 pm (UTC)
i love every single one of your polaroids.
they are phenomenal and eerie.
i haven't been so moved by photos like this since i first discovered francesca woodman.
glass_orthodoxy on April 25th, 2010 04:48 pm (UTC)
thank you so much, that's a tremendous compliment. I have been smitten with her work for several years and use her as a great source of inspiration. I can relate ... few photographs move me the way hers do. :)
leneness on April 22nd, 2010 06:15 pm (UTC)
You're always amazing c:
glass_orthodoxy on April 25th, 2010 04:50 pm (UTC)
I'm definitely not, but it's sweet of you to say so. :)
skeletondancers on April 22nd, 2010 06:32 pm (UTC)
your photography is truly so beautiful
your words, as well
just_happening on April 22nd, 2010 11:40 pm (UTC)
Are you willing to sell any of these photos?
glass_orthodoxy on April 25th, 2010 04:52 pm (UTC)
I am getting some large prints done this week of several different pieces, a few of these will be in the mix. I usually sell prints through achromatics.com and take email requests if you're interested.
apathyvsempathy on April 23rd, 2010 02:26 am (UTC)
artiishard on April 23rd, 2010 05:56 am (UTC)
the black and white photos remind me of francesa woodman's work ;)
petitghost on April 26th, 2010 01:13 pm (UTC)
gosh, you are just incredible. i'd love to know what kinds of places you draw inspiration from!
apathyvsempathy on April 28th, 2010 10:31 pm (UTC)
what kind of camera(s) do you use?